How To Overcome Your Fear of Making A Commitment

By Rachale Kelley

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Fewer people than ever are getting married.

It’s believed that 25% of millennials will never marry during their lifetimes.

The fear of commitment has never been more pervasive. Relationships can be a big risk, both emotionally and financially.

But the alternative isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. Spending a lifetime alone has guaranteed negatives. At least a relationship has the chance for a happy ending.

Humans are driven by fears, but many fears are irrational. It’s possible that your judgment is clouded and you’re allowing an illogical fear to steal from your future and your happiness.

Address your fear of commitment and enjoy a successful relationship:

  1. A life lived with calculated risks is much more rewarding. Avoiding or minimizing every possible risk isn’t an enjoyable way to live. Live a life that’s moving toward something rather than avoiding something.
  • That doesn’t mean you should marry the first attractive, funny person that doesn’t make you want to strangle them on a regular basis. But understand that relationships are never guaranteed. Besides the weather, other people are the hardest thing in the world to control.
  1. Avoid being in a rush. Take your time dating someone new and move along at your own pace. If the other person seems to be in a hurry to make things serious, you might want to consider finding someone new. Desperate partners are rarely good relationship material.
  2. Determine the cause of your fear. Understanding the origin of the fear will help you to navigate your relationships. Understand your fear and you can address it. There are many reasons for fearing commitment:
  • The fear of another relationship failure. The past doesn’t have to equal the future. Determine why the last relationship failed. Did you choose the wrong person? Fail to communicate your needs clearly? Create a strategy to minimize the likelihood of a reoccurrence.
  • Do you fear being vulnerable? Casual dating is easy. Neither of you has anything invested. If it doesn’t work out, who cares? The other person didn’t really know you anyway. Allowing someone to really know you is quite a bit scarier, and you don’t have the energy to put on your best face 24/7.
  • There’s risk with any venture. Allowing others to see the real you is the best way to find the best partner. Remember that you don’t have to appeal to everyone, just that one person that would be a great match.
  • Whatever fear you harbor isn’t unique to you. There are others in the same boat. Consider the cause of your fear and view the situation from a different perspective. Most of your hesitancy is from past experiences. Let them go.
  1. Consider the positive. You may be so consumed with what could go wrong that you’re not considering the advantages of being in a committed relationship. Pretend that you’re not afraid of commitment and consider what your life would be like with the right person. Give yourself a positive mental image of a healthy relationship and how your life would change.

Many people fear commitment due to the perception that a relationship is confining, limiting, and reduces freedom. However, the right relationship provides just the opposite. Consider how much love and support you’ll receive, which increases your confidence and self-esteem. This leads to new opportunities.

You can also have greater financial resources. You’ll also save time by not running around looking for a partner anymore. Having this one part of your life settled creates a lot of space to live.

Many people fear relationships, but allowing a fear of commitment to rule your decisions is a mistake. Relationships are one of the most rewarding parts of life. Allow yourself to experience all that life and other people have to offer.

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About the Author

Rachale Kelley is a life and online business coach who believes every parent should have a way to escape their 9-5 so that they can have more time freedom with their family, including having access to systems and strategies that will keep them from becoming overwhelmed while pursuing their dreams.

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